Defying Gravity
by Lifeguard
Summary: He would do anything for her but did she know what she was asking of him? He looked over the line into the darkness; if she jumped, he would have to follow. End of season 4 spoilers and my take on them.


_**Title: Defying Gravity**_

_**Author: Lifeguard**_

_**Disclaimer: **__I do not own the characters of Booth or Brennan, or the rights to the show Bones, but a girl can dream, right? _

_**Rating: **__PG13 for discussion of adult situations_

_**Spoilers: **__This is my interpretation of the spoilers for the end of season four. If you don't know what they are and don't want to know, stop reading now. _

_**Author's Note: **__The title for this piece was taken from the Broadway musical "Wicked" and the song "Defying Gravity" which the main characters, Elphaba and Glinda, sing at the end of the first act. I acknowledge that the song and lyrics do not necessarily go with Booth and Brennan BUT I hope this story explains my reasons for using the title. It all has to do with that line Booth drew, the one that I believe they've been pushing for some time, so what would happen if they just jumped over it and decided to defy gravity? I've interspersed lines from the song with sections of the story. I'd suggest listening to the song if you haven't its amazing! _

_Enjoy!_

_________________________________________________________________________

"_Something has changed within me; something is not the same…" _

The ordinary sounds and rhythm of the diner swirled around her, but she was lost in her own mind. Her un-touched, cold coffee sat on the table as she waited, and she jumped each time the bells on the door chimed with a new arrival. He was late, it was frustrating and calming at the same time. She still had time to leave, back out of the whole thing before he even got there. She could make up an excuse about getting stuck at work, he would believe her. Yet leaving would mean giving up the opportunity and she didn't know if she could work up the courage to do this again.

The doors chimed and suddenly he was there. Too late, it was now or never.

"Hey Bones, sorry traffic was brutal," he greeted her, taking the spot across the table.

She forced a smile, "Hi Booth."

They hadn't worked a case together since they'd wrapped the last one, a week ago. She had called him here today under the pretense of having a late dinner to catch up.

He flagged down a waitress and ordered a burger and coffee for himself, she a salad. He joked that she'd end up stealing all his fries.

"So how are things at the Jeffersonian?" he asked casually.

She told him about the soldiers she was working on and he feigned interest. He did however pick up on her lack of enthusiasm for the subject.

"You seem, I don't know, distracted today Bones. You usually go into a more detailed explanation than that," he gave her a small smile.

She had wondered how long it would take for him to read her.

"I need to tell you something."

The waitress arrived with their food and he munched on his fries. She pushed her salad around on the plate.

"You know you can tell me anything," he said through a mouthful.

"I want to have a baby," blunt, her style.

Maybe she shouldn't have dropped that bit of information while he was chewing. His eyes grew wide and he swallowed his fries in a lump.

"Are you alright Booth?"

"Fine," he croaked, taking a large swig of his drink.

When he seemed to have recovered he cocked an eyebrow at her, "A baby? I thought you didn't want kids."

"I changed my mind."

Brown eyes searched blue, "Is this about the last case?"

The remains of a pregnant teenage girl had thrust them into a case where a group of high school girls made a pregnancy pact that went wrong. It had been an emotionally tough case.

"No, it's not only about the last case," she began hesitantly.

"Then what?" he urged her on.

"After careful observation and a lot of thought I've come to realize some things about myself, about my life in the last year."  
He nodded, urging her to continue.

"With the way things are going with my father, when we had baby Andy, it made me re-think my stance on children. I've come to realize that I'm not like my father, I don't have to be like my parents, which was always a huge factor in why I didn't want to have children. I thought I would fail at being a parent, but that's not genetic, I know that. I know I have the power to change, and I know now just how much my father cares about me, that I have the capability to care about people just as much, if not more than that. When we had Andy, having him made those feelings more real. I wanted to protect him Booth, I wanted him to be loved. It was almost frightening how fast those feelings came on when he was in my arms and ready to be given away. I think that when I decided I wanted a dog, well that was the final step I needed to take in realizing that I wanted a child."

"Wait Bones, having a baby isn't like getting a dog," he held up his hand to stop her.

She shook her head, "Obviously not Booth, but it's that feeling that I've come to know, the one that makes me want to take care of someone else, to feel that unconditional love, that bonding with something that is my own. When I think about having a child, it means that I get to pass on my values and beliefs to someone who will hopefully carry them on as well. It means I'll be starting a family, a real family of my own and I won't mess that up the way my parents did Booth. The girls on that volleyball team showed me that I could do it. I am at the right age, I'm financially independent and I could afford to take time off of work, I'm ready to do this Booth, I want to do this..."

His food forgotten, he stared almost slack jawed at her. She finally got it, finally understood all the things he had been attempting to teach her in his own way. He wasn't quite sure how to respond.

"…and I want you to be the father."

His jaw dropped, "Pardon?"

"I want you to father my child Booth. When I thought about it, there was no other person in the world who I would want rather than you. I trust you with my life, I know you would support me and the child through anything. You've proven time and again that you're an excellent father to Parker, why wouldn't I pick you to create my baby?"

She paused trying to read the expression on his face: stunned, defiantly stunned.

"That is," she proceeded slowly, "if you wanted to be a part of the child's life. I had assumed you would, but you don't have to be. All I'm asking is for your sperm. If that's all the involvement you want, that's fine. I can take care of a baby on my own."

Her eyes dropped to the table, she hoped he would be part of the child's life, the second option almost made her regret asking him.

"You don't think I'd want to be part of our baby's life?"

He had found his voice, though it was quiet.

"I don't know," the words felt heavy, hard to get out.

His mind was spinning, he had to choose his words carefully, "Bones, what you're asking, it's huge, life altering for you and me. I don't mean to be rude but I think I'm going to need some time to think about this."

"I thought you might say that. Take your time Booth."

He reached out to take her hand and she finally met his eyes, "Listen, I'll come by your place in a day or so, we'll talk."

Holding her gaze for another moment, he then stood and made to leave. The diner suddenly felt too small for the thoughts on his mind.

Squeezing his hand in acknowledgement, she then let it go. He placed some money on the table and he was gone.

________________________________________________________________________

"…_well if that's love, it comes at much too high a cost…" _

Booth couldn't remember how he had gotten home, the drive was a blur. His mind seemed to be moving at warp speed, he could not grasp just one thought to concentrate on. He shucked off his suit and pulled on sweats. Soon he was outside, his feet pounding rhythmically on the pavement.

The questions swirled in his mind:

Bones wanted a baby? His baby?

What would it do to them, to their friendship?

Was it friendship or was it more? Did she consider this?

Would a baby bring them closer or push them apart?

How would it affect their work, being partners? What about the line he had drawn?

That damn line.

The line had loomed in front of him for a long time now, yet every day it seemed as though they got closer to it, and now they were straddling it, looking down into the unknown.  
What would happen if they fell?

He ran harder, pushing his already tired muscles further. Maybe the pain and fatigue would slow his brain down.

It wasn't until he returned home that he realized he'd been gone for so long. He headed for the shower, dropping his clothes on the floor. The warm water didn't help him focus his thoughts any more than the run had. He stood, bracing himself against the wall, letting the water run down his neck and back.

For his Bones he would go to the ends of the earth, do anything to protect her, even give his own life, but father her child?

How could he possibly do something so intimate without becoming attached and unable to deny his true feelings for her any longer?

Didn't she see that canyon of darkness on the other side of the line? Was she that ready to jump blindly into it? Didn't she know that when she jumped he'd have to follow?

But he had slipped and fallen a long time ago and was only barely clinging to the line.

He had fallen in love with her.

He thumped his head against the shower wall, he loved her. Did she even know what she was asking of him?  
He would deny her nothing, but would she deny him love?  
Booth wanted nothing more than to have children with his partner, but in his fantasies they were married, living in the perfect house loving one another unconditionally. He wasn't sure where he stood beyond sperm donor in her vision.

The water went cold and he roughly turned it off. He resolved to sleep on the matter before he gave it any more thought.

He tried to distract himself by watching the sports network but he soon gave up and went to bed.

Yet sleep would not come without a price that night. Visions of Bones leaving him as Rebecca had swam through his mind, mixed with dreams of her rocking their infant in the perfect nursery in their perfect house.

The dreams ended with him free falling into the darkness that lay beyond the line.

________________________________________________________________________

"_Some things I cannot change, but till I try I'll never know." _

Maybe she had finally asked too much of him. Maybe she had miscalculated, misjudged just what she could ask of him. Maybe she had pushed him too far too soon.

Maybe she had ruined them.

Dejectedly she dropped her things on the floor as she moved through her apartment. She slumped down on her couch, the maybes running circles around her head.

Had she ever really expected an answer right away from him? Her mind wandered to the conversation in the back of the SUV, so many months ago after they had given up Andy. He had wanted her to build a house, have a child and let him be part of it all.

Had she misinterpreted that?

She bolted up from the couch to pace. Since when had she, the rational, brilliant anthropologist she was, ever given into such fantasies? Playing house with Booth? The idea suddenly seemed ridiculous. How could she assume that was what he wanted? Was that even what she wanted?

Yet picturing life with a baby, without Booth made her shudder. Did she want to raise his baby alone? Did she want to raise a baby that wasn't his?

No.

Stopping at the kitchen counter, she gripped it for stability. What if he said no?

Then there would be no baby, no family for her. She would survive, she loved her life as it was and she didn't need anything more.

But oh how she wanted it.

All that was left to do now was to wait. She hated waiting.

To not be in control of the situation, to be left with that uncertain, unknowing feeling was torture, complete torture. The situation was no longer in her hands, it was up to him.

She hoped he would make his decision soon.

________________________________________________________________________

"_It's time to trust my instincts, close my eyes and leap…"_

Two whole days passed, two extremely long days in which she stalked around the lab in a very agitated mood. Nothing held her focus for more than a few minutes before she got distracted by her thoughts again. It took all her will power not to call him, he needed space.

But how much time could he possibly need? Besides, fending off Angela and her persistent inquiries was becoming difficult.

Two whole days passed, two tense, frustrating days. The first he spent locked away in his office, attempting to bury his head in paper work, a distraction that did not work. His mind wandered every few minutes back to her request and his dilemma. So he found himself at a bar that night, finding solace in alcohol and its mind numbing affect. He finally slept that night. The second day he made lists of pros and cons and ended up with a waste bin half full of paper.

His decision had been made even before he had left the diner.

Booth left for her apartment.

The knock was distinctive. She knew it was him at her door without having to open it. She forced herself to take deep breaths before she unlocked it, trying to calm the butterflies that filled her stomach. He was waiting on the other side, not facing her, his eyes on the floor.

"Hi," she said quietly.

He turned to her, worry etched on his face, "Hi," he echoed.

She gestured for him to come in; he followed a few steps behind her.

"Do you want something to drink? I've got that beer you like."

"Please," he answered, maybe a little too quickly.

Wandering towards the living room he contemplated the couch but opted to stand. He was too agitated to sit.

"Here," she appeared behind him and almost shoved the beer towards him, he jumped a little.

"Thanks," he mumbled and then took a large swig of his drink.

Brennan sipped her own and played with the label. She studied the floor, then her eyes slowly made her way to him. Opening her mouth as if to speak, she closed it, then blurted;

"Are we going to make small talk or should we just address why you're here and why we're both so nervous?"

"Um…"

Booth was taken off guard but he didn't have a chance to finish as she charged on.

"I assume you've taken the time you need to think about my request. Now that you're here you've obviously come to a decision and I'd like to hear it."

Her eyes were locked on his, searching, trying to figure out his choice before he could voice it.

It was his turn to gape, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

"Booth?"

"I can't."

As the words fell from his lips he could almost see her heart sink. She desperately tried to keep her composure and he could feel the disappointment she was trying to hide. She turned away from him and he strode quickly over to her.

"Bones…" he touched her shoulder, turning her towards him.

"It's alright Booth, I understand," she whispered, trying to break free of his grasp.

"Listen to me Bones, I'm not saying no."

She raised her eyebrows, "But you said you can't. I don't understand."

He sighed, "I can't do this under these circumstances. If I do this a lot is going to change," he rubbed his neck, trying to think of the words to make her understand.

"I don't know what that means Booth."

"Do you want me to be a part of your child's life?"

"Yes."

"Then to what extent? I need to know how this would work Bones."

Realization flashed across her face, "You mean would I leave you like Rebecca and limit your time with the child?"

He winced at the connection, "What do you want?"

"Booth, I wouldn't do that to you. I would want you to help me with the baby, to be there each step of the way. We'd work out the logistics but I want you there. I want our child to know its father. Besides, I'll need your help to learn, you know that."

He smiled a little but she still hadn't answered his question, "I want that too Bones but what about the logistics? If you need my help then how would that work? Babies can be up for most of the night, how would that work?"

"You could stay here, I have a guest room."

"Is that how you picture it? Would we live separately and our kid would go between us? Two homes, two separate parents?"

Confusion spread through her eyes, "I assumed that was how it would be. For the first little while you could stay here, but then we would work out a schedule. We could share time together with the baby, they would need that, but then you could take him or her for a bit and then I would have them. Why? Isn't that how you thought it would be?"

That was how she envisioned the future, should it happen that way. It was logical and she didn't expect anything more if he didn't share her vision. Yet part of her longed to raise the baby with him, in the same house, but she didn't dare let that dream overtake her. It was just a dream; he couldn't feel the same way.

"No."

She looked a question at him.

"That's why I can't do this, not this way Bones."

"What did you expect Booth? Then tell me what you want," there was a hint of anger in her voice.

Even though he had slipped over the line in his thoughts, he had always managed to bring himself back to the other side, even if it had been the hardest thing to do. Now he stood at the edge, teetering, looking down into that darkness. She had been walking the line, tiptoeing along it but clearly not looking down. He wished for that strength because he was about to dive head first and he was scared to death.

"I can't do this unless we do this together."

"That's what I said we'd do Booth," frustration seeped in with the anger, "I said we'd do this together."

He closed his eyes and jumped over the line.

"No, not that together," he grabbed her hand, forcing her closer to him, "that's not enough. I mean _together_ as in this child gets a mom and dad living under the same roof, living together as one family."

And he was free falling unable to stop.

"If you mean co-habitation, we could arrange that."

She was too clinical about this, she wasn't getting it. He stared at her trying to convey how he felt.

"Bones, I would do anything for you, give you anything, but having a baby together without you knowing how I truly feel about you, without knowing if you feel the same, I just, I can't."

He took a step closer to her; she didn't pull away as she spoke, "Booth?"

"I've fallen in love with you Temperance and if we have a baby I want to do it right. I don't think I can bring myself to raise a child with you without you loving me back."

Staring speechless at him, her eyes grew wide. He fell faster into the darkness, wondering when he would crash, when she would turn away from him.

And then suddenly she leaned forward drawing her own face closer to his until their lips met. She kissed him softly and he caressed her face as they melted into each other.

A warm wind pushed him out of the darkness and he wasn't falling any more. Instead he was soaring, defying gravity.

Pulling away from his lips she stayed in his arms and laid her head on his chest.

"I hoped you would say yes. I only dreamt that you'd want more," she murmured.

He cupped her face and gently raised it toward him, "I've always wanted more."

"So we'll do this, we'll have a baby, together?" she tested the words.

"Together," he echoed, dropping a feather light kiss on her forehead.

_Just you and I defying gravity,_

_With you and I defying gravity,_

_They'll never bring us down. _

_**Fin. **_


End file.
